The Pile

The pile of debris out behind the barn was here when we moved in, and it only grew bigger as we worked on improvements around the property.

 In May, after almost two years of seeing that unsightly pile every day, we finally rented a dumpster.

 A really big one.

And the girls and I got to work filling it.

It was like an archaeological dig - layer after layer marked the changes this property has seen.

First there was the old rotten round-pen we tore down last year, followed by all the debris we removed from next to the pumphouse the year before.  Underneath that was trash from the new appliances they installed right before we bought the place, then old suitcases and tires they must have added to the pile before they put the property on the market.  Then came the layer of pieces of electrical wiring and construction trash from when they built the garage.  Under that there were giant roots and branches left over from the tree they took out to build the garage, all mixed in with random household trash...old pictures, a toilet seat, clothing and plastic bags.

Gloves.  Good thick gloves, long sleeves, and boots.  And a sense of humor.

That's the only way we could have gotten the job done.

 But we did it!  All we've got left are some giant rotten stumps and logs,

which we'll burn once they're dry enough...

and when the yearly burn ban is over!

My Summer (So Far): Teaser Post

Since you've been waiting so patiently,

here are some of the reasons I have not posted since May:

Yes, it IS a really big dumpster.

Unfortunately, those ARE chicken feathers.  Lots of them.

Oh look!  A piano in my living room!

Oh look!  No piano in the garage!  (Which is just one of many big changes in there.)

But I don't want to talk about the garage.  I'm pretending it doesn't exist.

Ugly laundry room shelves.  I couldn't stand them any more.

The never ending saga of my cardboard box bookshelves...is temporarily resolved!

The stories behind the pictures are coming soon!

(Soon IS a relative term, though...)

Why I Haven't Blogged Since May

I sat down and went through the pictures I've taken over the last few months, 

thinking that I'd just do an update in pictures

but it was so overwhelming that I gave up within minutes.

I know we've been busy, but I'd forgotten already just HOW busy!

This picture though, pretty much sums up my summer so far:

four happy, healthy, active kids!

(The girls are wearing some of my mom's keepsake clothes: 

Anya - a shirt from Mexico, Jaela - my mom's high school graduation dress, and Macey - my mom's first sewing project)

Gifts You're Glad You Can't Smell

My children decided to make me some early birthday and Mother's Day presents:

First they gathered some purple and white wildflowers and greenery

and wrapped the stems in a skunk cabbage leaf.

Have you ever smelled skunk cabbage?

It came by its name honestly.

Then they made multiple trips up our back hill to get the supplies to make me these two beautiful yellow wreaths 

out of Scotch Broom.

The leftover supplies joined my collection of "too beautiful to hide inside" bouquets on the front porch. 

Who needs roses?!?

I've got noxious weeds colorful flowers on my front porch!

Happy (early) Mother's Day!

Sunsets

There are so many little things I've thought about posting since we've been home.  

When I swept up two dustpans full of dirt and dust bunnies after the house sat (mostly) empty for a month, I thought that could make a funny post.  But I didn't write it.

I'm behind on my Reading Record posts, so I thought about telling you that I read one book in January, and two in February.  Maybe I would even admit that that the two in February were C.S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  Somehow I didn't get around to that, either.

I could tell you that I've renewed my battle with the mice.  Of course they waited until we were home again before they stole six more Scrabble letters.  And got out of two traps.  That could have been a funny post too, but it didn't get written.

I haven't felt much like writing.

***

In early February, my dad was trying to remember one of his favorite quotes from George MacDonald, but couldn't quite get it, so I looked it up for him.  As I did, I stumbled over this one:

"How strange this fear of death is.  Yet we are never frightened at a sunset."

***

I think I'm ready to write now.

***  

God's timing is incredible.  In the month that we spent at my parents' house, every single hard thing worked out perfectly in God's timing.  Sometimes we were aware of His hand in things as they happened, and sometimes we had to look back to see it.

Based on the doctors' estimate of how long my dad had left to live, we went down to my parents' house for a week long visit in early February.  My brother and his family were planning a trip over from Montana in late February, and we planned to return a second time at the end of their visit so we could see them too.   The day after we got there, all of our plans changed.  My dad's oncologist called and recommended that we have my brother come over early, as he was now estimating that my dad had only one to two weeks left, at the most.  So my brother and his family came over and stayed for a week, and four days after they left, my dad's condition deteriorated and he wasn't quite himself any more.  In God's timing, we had one last really good week together as a family.  All twelve of us.  In our timing, it would never have happened.

The last full week of February, there were so many details through which we could clearly see God's timing, from "big" things like financial stuff to "little" things like meal provision.  In fact, it would probably take a full week for me to list them all!

And then there was Dad's Hospice nurse.  I am sure that any Hospice nurse would have cared for my dad just as well as "ours" did, but God knew that my mom and I needed Robert.  On Monday morning,  February 25, after my mom spent a very difficult sleepless night caring for my dad, Robert came out to my parents' house to check on my dad and help us arrange the next level of care.  He confirmed what we already suspected, that my dad had less than 48 hours left, and then our quiet, unassuming nurse prayed with us before he left.  That prayer was absolutely incredible; simply spoken, profound, and exactly what we needed, right when we needed it.  As he prayed, Robert reminded us that God not only knows what pain and grief and death are, but that He experienced them all Himself when Jesus died on the cross in our place. 

With that reminder fresh in our minds, my mom and I watched my dad breath his last breaths as he died three hours later.  After weeks of mounting pain, confusion, and weakness, his last moments were quiet and peaceful, followed by complete relief from all pain.  Forever.

Death is like a sunset, and we are never frightened at sunsets.  At least we need not be.  Once the sun sets on our earthly lives, we who love God and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord can look forward to a new day coming, a new sun rising.  An eternity spent perfectly worshipping God.

We can look ahead past the sunset, with Hope.

The Passage of the Storm

I don't remember what the weather outside was like, but for my family December was a stormy month.

Physically stormy.  Mentally stormy.  Emotionally stormy.

In the month of December, my dad spent 21 of 24 days in two different hospitals.  He was admitted to the first hospital for another round of aggressive chemotherapy, and while it took longer than it should have, it was scheduled and intentional.  His second hospital stay was two weeks long, began with a trip to the ER, and went downhill from there.  

The second, unplanned hospital stay was characterized by fevers, interrupted sleep, multiple doctors, increasingly worse lab test results, lack of appetite, confusion, pain, a small blood clot, a full-body rash that baffled the doctors, and exhaustion.

He was very sick, and he just wasn't himself.

It was awful.  Indescribably awful.

And it was a blessing in disguise.

***

The storm of alternating improvement and decline in my dad's health has passed, and he's been home for a week now.  His appetite is returning, the lab test results have improved (for the most part), he's getting more sleep, and he's resumed most of his usual routine.

He is still sick, but he is at least himself again.

My parents have dealt with a multitude of medical issues over the past few years.  Chemotherapy.  Drug reactions.  Unexplained fevers.  A stem cell transplant.  Hospitalizations.  And opinions.  Lots and lots of opinions.

They sorted through all the opinions and made decisions about treatment.  Some of them were hard decisions, some were unexpected, and none of them were fun.  But the hardest decision they knew they were going to have to make has been with them from the very beginning.

When does it stop?

How long does the chemotherapy continue?

After the two-week-long storm that was my dad's hospitalization, the answer became clear.

Chemotherapy treatment stops when it's no longer effective; when it hurts more than it helps.

For my parents, the decision to discontinue chemo was partly reached in the middle of the chaos of hospitalization, and partly in the calm quietness of their own home.

Separately, not knowing what my parents had already decided, my dad's doctor reached the same conclusion.

No more chemo.

***

The storm is over, and although it's still raining, it's calm.

And we have peace.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Reading Record: December